Reflections on Autism

I have worked with a number of clients who have received a diagnosis of autism now, and wanted to share some thoughts in a way to honour the difficulties they face at the same time as offering hope and a way forward. Perhaps not in the sense of ‘fitting in’ to what we might call the existing societal structures, but maybe in a way that gently disrupts and challenges old or outdated systems.

Climate activist Greta Thunberg once said: “I have Asperger’s and that means I’m sometimes a bit different from the norm. And—given the right circumstances—being different is a superpower.”

The challenge is for people with autism, the circumstances are in many cast not ‘right’. They are forced into school and workplace systems where their unique skills and abilities are suppressed, not nurtured. The ability to think outside the box is not welcomed ‘in the box’, and so many such individuals spend their lives thinking there is something wrong with them when this isn’t true at all. There is something wrong. There is something wrong with the way we have set out our systems and structures and that those who see through them or even challenge them are labelled as a ‘problem’.

As many of my clients with autism have received the message there was something wrong with them for most of their lives, they feel very much like outsiders. They often struggle with making conversation, maintaining eye contact or connecting with others in a way that feels natural and authentic. In many cases they blame themselves for these difficulties, labelling themselves as ‘strange’ or ‘different’. Underneath this, however, I have noticed a deep resentment and even rage. There is a bitter injustice that they are now on the outside of a society they felt never truly seen by. Their ways of relating were not accepted or perhaps even feared, and so they felt rejected or cast out, yet powerless to do anything but try and ‘fit in’, as what else is there to do?

When working with people with autism, it can help to see this was never their fault. They were not born ‘broken’. They were born into a world that was perhaps not ready for their truth. The systems they challenged and saw flaws in were too solid. They were pushed back, receiving the message there was something wrong with them. Their anger is quite understandable.

I encourage all my clients with autism to let go of the need to change things ‘out there’. There can be, as with Greta Thunberg, a real ‘activist’ energy in such individuals - a strong sense of justice and desire to right perceived wrongs. Yet when this comes from a place of anger, it is often met with resistance, which rebounds on the individual, causing further frustration. The systems they challenge are strong. To change them, we must first accept them. And to accept what is ‘out there’, we first accept what is in us.

When it is seen there is nothing ‘wrong’, individuals with autism can be incredible change makers. They are gifted, and have a lot to offer and contribute to the world. It can be hard to see this after years of feeling marginalised and misunderstood, but when the frustration and resentment is let go of, something real and valued may emerge.

I think there is a lot to be done in terms of conversation in this space. When autism is viewed with compassion and awareness and not as a ‘mental illness’ to be ‘fixed’, it may be that the shame and confusion associated with the condition can be alleviated. It is my hope that such discussions continue to take place, and are not met with the resistance so often a relic of an ‘old system’, individuals with autism are so good at seeing through and challenging. Let’s hope kindness, truth and compassion ‘win’. I think it might be very needed in our world right now.